don't question what you hear, the stories i tell are sincere

All I want for Christmas is more snow, oh and a better job.... oh, a cute boy would be nice too!

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 04:09:39 GMT

So I took the job at Old Navy. I do shipment Tuesdays and Thursdays 7:45 to 12 or 1. I've been trying to pick up some other shifts. They are pretty good about that. I usually get at least 1 call a week asking me to come in. I really like the fact that I'm not on sales. The store opens at 10 (besides the holiday hours we've been having), so I don't have to deal with customers too much. Shipment is insane!!! The truck get there at 8 and it takes about 1.5-2 hours to get it unpacked, and it's basically do it as fast as possible. Never thought I'd be sweating my ass off at work. I like everyone I work with, which is the only thing making this job bearable. My manager can get a little intense, she's funny and joking around when we get there and as the shift goes on she gets more stressed out and cranky. Everyone laughs it off, so I know not to be too worry when she barks orders at me. I'm starting to talk to people more, it takes me awhile to feel comfortable. The guys have been teasing me, so I guess I'm in. hahaha. I've become pretty good friends with the other girl that started with me. I feel like we bonded over having no idea what to do the first few weeks. Hahaha. I don't like working day shifts, bc I don't know any of the sales people... so it's a bit lonely. Also I need more hours. I've still been looking for another part time, or a big girl job. But this is better than not working.

I really hope I can find something else. I know there is nothing wrong with working retail at all... but I saw someone I knew the other day and I found myself feeling embarrassed and hoping they didn't see me. I was really mad at myself after that. Times are hard, I have to do what I can right now. But when I see people who are working in their field, or have actual real people jobs... I do get embarrassed and feel bad about myself. And I know I shouldn't.

So it's winter which means my favorite sports ever, skiing and boarding. Last week and this weekend there were all sorts of competitions and that made me super happy. It's a little ridiculous how excited I get about it. I am so super psyched for the Winter X-Games (my most favorite thing of the year) and the winter Olympics. Giggle!!!

While watching the Winter Dew Tours first stop of the season, I sent a message to my cousin Meg out in Colorado saying that I was going to move out there bc I am giving up on my dream of marrying a musician and instead am going to marry a profession skier. I was joking, but then I started thinking about it more (the moving not the marrying). I've only been to Colorado once, but I loved it. It's so gorgeous out there and they get REAL winters with massive amounts of snow. I think I'm the only person who would willing want to move some place with more snow! So I have decided that if I can't find a real job, or am not happy with whats going on here by September... I'm going to move to Colorado for the winter and work at a ski lodge. I've looked at a few places and most resorts have employee housing for decent prices. Some are dorm type places... no thank you. I am out of college, I'm not sharing a room with someone else! Some places have 1 bedroom apts or apts where you rent a room and other people you work with would live in the same apt. That could be cool or horrible. I think I'd rather live by myself, but in a complex with co-worker. I wish I had someone who would do it with me. Rent would be cheaper and it would be a fun adventure! Pretty much everyone I know has one reason or more to stay. It might be more exciting to do it on my own, I've never been good at doing things alone... so it would be a personal test for me. Too bad the girlie cousin that still lives in Denver is engaged, other wise I would totally make her live with me. Stupid husbands!

I'll have to talk to my family out there and see if they have any connections at any of the resorts. Or if I don't live in employee housing, maybe my cousins could check out some apt for me. My family lives in Denver, so I want to look at places no farther away than 2 hours. I only get to see them every few years, so if I was living out there I would want to see them as much as I could. That's also another reason moving out there would be really exciting. I'm close with my family out there and I miss them dearly, especially my girlie cousins!!! I would be nice to have family around so I wouldn't feel so lonely. So I am seriously looking into that. I realize that September is a long ways away... I guess it matters whats going on. I really thought I would be content living back in the area. But I think that's only because I was so upset about Atlanta not working out. Being home is nice, it's comfortable. I realized the other day I feel so completely safe here, which is nice... but not a good thing. I want more than this area has to offer. Everyone knows how much I love where I live... but I don't want to feel stuck... and I know I will if I stay here too long. If I work out there it won't be anything in my field (at least for awhile), but it will be exciting! And I'll get to ski again which I have been missing so much! Yay for getting a season pass for being an employee! And after the winter season is over, I can see if I can stay at my job (if it's an all year long type of job) or find something else if I like it out there.

The only thing that will suck about moving is I decide to... is that I wouldn't be able to move out of my parents. I'd have to save for a place out there and the drive (don't even want to think about that), not to mention some snow tires for my baby. It's something I'm thinking about.

Nothing else too exciting going on. Christmas this year has sucked. I LOVE buying gifts for people. Thinking up ideas and finding the greatest gifts for the people I love. I couldn't buy anyone anything. It's a horrible feeling. I know people understand... but I do really love getting presents for people. I'd rather give than get. A few people have already told me they found the perfect gifts for me and it makes me feel awful. I did send a package to Jim. He couldn't come home for Christmas. The package is nothing too crazy. I baked some cookies and a jar of turkey joints (for people not from my area, they are a candy from a local candy shop here that is a huge holiday thing. so yummy), some of his lip stuff he can't find in Seattle and a card I got all our bar friends to sign. I sent it out later than I wanted. The lady at the post office said it would cost me $40 to get it there before Christmas. I was like yeahhhh he can get it after Christmas, I'm a cheapo. He doesn't know I'm sending him anything, so it will be a nice little after Christmas surprise. I also sent a little something to Val too... which she may or may not get before Christmas. I owe Val a couple birthday and Christmas present, so I wanted to send her a little something. I know she doesn't care, but I feel like I'm alwaya so broke and it's rare I can actually get people good stuff. The first Christmas/birthdays I have a real job my friends are all getting super kick ass gifts!

Not really that much as been going on. After the holidays I have like 5 people in the area that I have been HORRIBLE at getting a hold of. I blame it mostly on the fact that I have been so broke... which I still am just not as much. I need more friends and I need to do something about that. Me = super loser.

I've had a headache off and on all day. I think I may go to bed (at 11pm gasp!). I've been doing pretty good about going to be at a decent hour and waking up around 9 (more close to 10) on my days off so I don't mess up my sleep too much.

I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas and/or whatever holiday you celebrate! And a great and safe New Years!

Updating LJ, to add to everything else that makes me feel 16 again. =)

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:20:08 GMT

I keep telling myself I'm going to update here, and I never do.

The last month or so has been a roller coaster of emotions. Which I guess is why I really haven't updated. I have found it hard to have normal conversations with people without becoming a complete Debbie Downer and venting about how unhappy I am with everything, leaving the conversation in an awkward pause bc the other person doesn't really know what to say. I hate being that girl.

I have moments where I feel ok about life. I've been in one for a few days so hopefully it will last a bit. I just never thought this is where I'd be. I feel like a complete failure most of the time. Beginning with ATL. I can't even explain how much that not working out breaks my heart. It's something I have wanted for years, leaving central NY and living with my bestest. Now I'm 24 and living with my parents again. I've been unemployed since March... which is just the most horrible feeling. I have a 4 year degree that means just about nothing right now. I can't find a 'real person job'. I finally had to stick my tail between my legs and get a job at Old Navy. I know SO many people are in the same boat as me, but that doesn't really make me feel much better. I want a real 9 to 5 Monday to Friday job. I want to make more than $8 an hour. I want to pay off my credit cards. I want to move out of my parents house. I want to be an adult. Living at home really isn't bad. But having to do lawn work for my Gram for cash (which is over now bc it's cold and the house will be sold soon) and asking my parents for money for gas... just makes me feel like I'm 16 again and I just want to move forward.

I miss having more friends. I basically have my bar friends, who I love! I don't know what I'd do without them. I was talking to my mom about how I hope people don't think I'm an alcoholic bc I go to the bar all the time. I'm just at that age where that's where we hang out. I don't actually drink that much. Since I live in the middle of no where and in the opposite direction of them, no one will drive my ass home, so I have to behave myself. But going to the bar cost money. I seriously ration out any money into gas, cigs, bar. Going out is the only way I'm holding on to the little bit on sanity I have left.

The only other person I really hang out with is Ben. Which has been a bit of confusion. But we're actually at a really good place now. We're just friends and I have my feelings in check. Everything with him has made me realize 2 things about myself, 1. I really am not like other girls (I have known this forever, but every once in a while I'm just like whoa! I'm awesome), and 2. I really am older now. Everything I've gone through and every lesson I've learned... I'm actually surprised and proud of how I deal with and handle things now. I was bummed when we had the official we're just friends for now talk. But after I had a moment and really thought about what he said, this really is for the best. Since then I've hung out with him a lot more and I like chilling with him and just having fun and not wondering if he's going to try to kiss me or whatever. I still have some tiny feelings for him, but I'm oddly able to push them to the side. He's becoming one of my best friends and I need that right now. Would I like a boy in my life right now? sure. It would be one aspect of my life that would actually be going good... but I don't need it. It might be better for me to wait until things in my life are better, then to have a boy swoop in and make me happy.

There are a few other people in the area that I always want to hang out with. But it's hard not having any money. I can't call them up and be like hey let's go for lunch, or coffee, or drinks... bc I can't pay for anything right now. I don't really like inviting people here, bc as stated earlier I live with my parents and there's really nothing to do here. I have my second orientation on Friday and then hopefully after that I will start working and actually be able to have a life again. That would be pretty sweet.

So like I said, I've actually been in a ok mood the last few days. All I can do is try to be optimistic and do what I can to try to make things better. I've ran a few times. I really did miss running. I haven't in a LONG time. But man am I out of shape! Even in college when I hadn't ran in a while and I was heavy, I could hop on a tread mill and run 2 miles fine. But not so much anymore! I'm really hoping that I will have enough hours to join Planet Fitness. I'm pretty sure I can swing 10 bucks a month. I know I would be more motivated to workout if I'm paying for it and actually have to set aside time for it. Having a treadmill in the living room is hard. I get distracted so easily. But I am so all about losing this weight. I just want to feel good about myself again. I've already started eating better... which really isn't that hard being home. My mom loves to cook and cook healthy. I've been eating a salad everyday for lunch for awhile. I have everything to make my own Symeons salad (which is a kick ass greek place around here that I LOVE!) and it is sooooo yummy! I know eating well is part of dropping this weight, but for me working out has always been more of what helps. I signed up for a blog that will be my weight loss blog when I actually get my gym membership. I'm hoping it will help me stay focused and I can bitch about all my body issues there and see my progress in numbers and probably pictures. Maybe I'll post the link here once I start it for the 3 people that probably still read this. Although it more for me. I hide my weight decently (or so I've been told most my life) and I don't really like talking numbers and all that. So I guess we'll see.

So maybe I'll start updating this more... I feel like LJ is kind of dead, but there are still a few of my friends that write and it makes me feel updated in their lives.

Have a good one everyone!!!! =)

I guess I'm using LJ for cryptic post instead of actual updates.

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:35:29 GMT

I never cease to amaze myself. Went I get to a point where I'm somewhat content with things, the crazy girl in me finds new and fun ways to mess with myself. Somehow I'm not surprised...

Oh Jason and his sexy goatee!

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 05:02:03 GMT

I know I NEVER post anymore. But me and Val just got back from seeing Jason Mraz and it was AMAZING. I have now seen him acoustic with Toca (back in college) and now with a full band.

gahhhhhh. I just love him so much. Tonight reminded me exactly why he's my number 2 (no one can beat Andrew McMahon of course).

I'm just in the afterglow of seeing a show, I always get like this. I'm just super filled with energy and excited and want to tell everyone about it.

I took some pictures with Val's camera, but they didn't come out too good. I've gotten to the point where i don't take pictures bc I can just check forums the couple days after the show and all the little 13 year olds post pictures and videos. But she brought her camera so I thought I'd try.

Speaking of 13 year olds, me and val sat behind the most annoying 13 year olds. We would have kicked their asses if their dad wasn't with them. There were cup holders on the back of their chairs and the one infront of my had long hair which ended up in my beer. She didn't notice but I was pissssssssed. It was $8 and I barely drank half of it. Ugh. They were just annoying and there for Plain White Tee's so they were just rude when Jason played songs they didn't know.

The only one that wasn't super blurry and for some reason I can't get them bigger:

The venue was set up like...stage, then gen standing, then seats (which we were in the second row of seats) and then grass. As part of his encore he came up to the seats and played a few songs, including my favorite which I was standing like 15 ft from him....gah!

GA here I come!

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:04:29 GMT

I'm all packed up and ready to go tomorrow at 5am. Going out tonight for the last time with Jim, Jen, Sean and hopefully BigE.

Driving down tomorrow with parentals, moving into the apt Friday. Idk when we'll have internet. Hopefully next week sometime.

Cell's good for calls or texts if you need me!

Bye New York... I will miss you.

<3

Girls with Slingshots = <3

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 05:36:46 GMT

I found this comic today and seriously read all 650 strips. I was laughing my ass off. I LOVE it so much! I just ordered the first 200 strips in a book and am eagerly awaiting vol 2 and 3 to be reprinted. So funny!! Just thought I'd share. If you have some time read through some of them. They will make you giggle... esp if you're a girl. =)

http://www.daniellecorsetto.com/gws.html

ATL Baby!

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 19:02:59 GMT

Wow, it has been awhile. I guess I never update this thing bc I don't really have anything new to say. Every post is 'I don't want to leave Jim' and 'My job sucks ass'. I have a very exciting life... yeeeaaahhhh. hahahaha.

Well I actually have news! I'm moving to GA. No really... it's official! I have an apt and a move in date!

Let's back track.

So I took a little mini vaca to GA to see Val Jan 31st to Feb 3rd. I had so much fun. It was so nice to see Val and the mom and the kitties. We looked at apts. On sunday before the Super Bowl we looked at 2 and then 2 more on Monday. The place we ended up getting was the 1st one we looked at. We both were ready to take it on the spot but figured it would be a good idea to look at the other places first. Plus all the prices and stuff they gave us at the meeting are held for 3 days, so we wouldn't miss out on a good deal or anything. Man I felt very adult like looking at apts. It was much different that looking for places in New Paltz. In New Paltz you were renting as college students and they treated you like college students. When we were looking at apartments, we were like real adults... I guess I have to get used to that.

So the places we got is at Park Lake. 2 bedrooms, 2 bath. We have a screened in pourch!!! Top floor, which is what we wanted. No having to listen to the people upstairs running around, or anyone complaining when I go out on the pourch to have a cig. The apt complex is really nice. It's huge! There are tons of apts. It has a lake (3 acres so it says on the website) with a walking path around it. The girl who was showing up the apt also mentioned there are geese that live there. Val laughed and made some comment to me. So I explained at college we had geese from hell. She said the geese stay near the lake and never really wonder around the complex. It's gated, although pretty much all the apts are gated down there. There is a car wash! Hells yeah!!! That will be very nice in the spring when my car is covered in pollen every day. It also has a pool and tennis court and all that jazz. Oh and a fitness room which I will be visiting often.

Oh here... here's the floor plan....

My bedroom is the top one. I told Val she could have the room with the bathroom bc I dont' really care that much. Plus with how it's set up it's like I have my own bathroom anyways. Oh and did I mentions I WILL HAVE A WALK IN CLOSET!?!?!?!? I am so super excited about it! I mean it's not a huge walk in... but I can walk into my closet! Yay!!!! The BEST part is the rent... 585. Me and Val were both compeltely shocked when she told us that. That's cheaper than we thought and what it said online. That's like how much I was paying myself in New Paltz. Now I get to pay half of that. I love the south already!

Did I mention the move in date.... I don't think I did. March 11th. I probably won't actually move in until the 13th. Me and the parentals are still trying to plan out the move. Ugh I have to start going through all my crap. I have a bunch of boxes out in the barn from New Paltz. I don't think I'll end up bring a lot of stuff but Val has some stuff and her mom is giving us stuff and we can buy stuff too.

So I told Jim. I was really nervous. He was like ok cool. I just gave him a look and he was like well I knew you were moving at some point. I was shocked and relieved. For some reason I was scared that he would freak out and break up with me on the spot. I was also scared he was start pulling away, which I mean I can't blame him. But he's acting totally normal. We went out that night and he was fine. And he's still been sending me cute little texts while he's at work. I'm glad we're just trying to enjoy every second we have together. I will miss him so freaking much.

I'm happy/sad that I actually have people here that are sad I'm leaving. Jen was very sad. She's upset I won't be here when her baby is born in June, but I promised her I would come visit in June or July. I haven't told Big E bc I haven't seen him in like forever and he bailed on us the other night. But when I told him my plans of moving he said I was too cool to move away. The girls at work were excited for me but sad I would be gone. It's nice I will be missed. And I will miss everyone too. I mean I am sad about leaving, I'll miss NY so much, but every day I get more and more excited about the move.

ME AND VAL ARE GOING TO BE ROOMIES!!!!! We've only been talking about this since we were in 9th grade. hahahaha. 9...10 years later it's actually happening.

Ok well I told myself I would do something productive today, so I think I will go window shop for apt stuff and then come back an clean off my desk and go through all my desk stuff. I'm going to start the packing/going through stuff step by step. Man I hate packing. I have a month so I figure if I start now I can just do a little every day and it won't be as bad... or wait until 2 days before I leave like I usually do. =)

Turkey Joints are my weakness.

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 20:36:56 GMT

(Just to clear up my subject, Turkey Joints are a candy that are only in the area where I live and they are soooooooo good!)

I hope everyone had a great Christmas. I am obsessed with my GPS. I spent all day yesterday playing with it and driving around. A few of the bad reviews said that it was slow to update the directions when you take a wrong turn, but I did not find that. Right after I would turn it was recalculate the new route. I want to go on a road trip now!!!! I got some other random stuff too. A very soft blanket that I've been wrapped up in from my cousin (my family secret santa) and a bunch of gift cards and I can't wait to spend. I can't handle having money in my pocket, I always want to spend it. Although I've been doing a lot better with that lately. Any cash I got is going towards bills and other things since my hours at the store have been more than sucky. I feel like such an adult. Christmas money should be spent on fun things. At least I have some target gift cards that I can spend on fun things. At least part of the gift cards are going to go to The Pineapple Express when it comes out inthe beginning of Jan. I never saw it but I reaaaaaaly wanted to. And perhaps some new headphones.

The family was very mellow this Christmas. I was expecting a lot of harassing questions about my plans and boyfriend. 2 of my uncles asked about my plans, 2 uncles I was surprised about. I don't really have too many conversations with them ever. I guess this is what happens when you grow up and can have normal converstaions with the adults in your family. Weird. I was talking with my 2 girlie cousins about Jim and my Gram over heard and asked what his name was again. And that was it. I was shocked. hahaha.

Val was here for the holidays! It was great to see her. I missed her so! I dragged her out to Open Mic night. I felt bad keeping her up so late bc she's used to going to bed early. But I wanted her to see where I hang out and what not. She said she had fun. =) It was nice just sitting and talkign with her. I can't wait until we're living together. Her and the mom weren't supposed to go back until Saturday, but she told me yesterday that they were leavin today. Bummer. I def didn't get to see her enough, but I'll be going down there in a few weeks to look at apts and such.

I got to meet Jim's best friend, the Bearup. I wish I got to spend more time with him. Both times we hung out it was out with a bunch of people. He seemed pretty chill. At open mic night he leaned over to me and was like I'm really glad you and Jim are together and i was like awww thanks me too and then he goes it's nice to see him to happy, it hasn't happened in a long time. It just broke my heart. He did the same thing the next night when I saw him. Saying that he was glad that Jim had someone since he was so far away and can't keep an eye on him and how happy Jim's been. Not to mention a good friend of Jim's keep telling me how cute we were together. I've delt with the fact that I'm leaving and we're breaking up, but it's moments like that where I just can't bare to think about leaving him. I actually had a really good conversation with my mom about it. I never talk to her about relationship stuff. But she just told me that I'm young and Atlanta is something I've wanted to do for a long time and she thinks it will be good for me. And who knows what will happen in the future. If me and Jim are meant for each other we'll find each other some day. I don't know if I would exactly say that I think me and Jim are meant for each other, but I do hope that our lives cross paths again some day. And that's a lot fo what makes me feel ok about leaving him. Things will work out. They always do.

Also, I finally made it down to the city to see Cyndi. I got to see the tree, hang with Liisa and go backstage at The Little Mermaid on broadway, which Cyndi works on costumes. yay!!

The tree at Rockefeller Center!

Backstage at The Little Mermaid

Me and Liisa with Cyndi's fav dress

Me and Sabatian's constume.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! =)

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 19:27:49 GMT

Merry Christmas everyone!

Or happy whatever you celebrate!

Can't wait till Christmas!!!!

Fri, 12 Dec 2008 17:21:49 GMT

I told my parents at least 2 months ago I wanted a GPS for Christmas. About a week ago my mom told me that I'd have to pick one out and buy it (using their credit card of course, it is my Christmas present) bc neither of my parents knew anything about GPS, not that I really did either. So I spent the last week researching GPS. I quickly decided that Garmin was the way to go. So I've been reading review after review of each of their GPS and searching the internet for the best possible price. I wanted a decent GPS without breaking my parents bank account.

I JUST ORDERED IT!!!! I decided on a Garmin 255W. I got it at Circuit City and it came in a package with a carrying case for only 5 bucks. Sweet!!! And even better, they have 24 minute pick-up and the Circuit City at the mall had it. I mean not that I'm going there in 24 minutes, I have to work tonight so I'll just pick it up before work. Then come home and make my mom wrap it and put it under the tree. When I told her that she said she just figured I would want to open it right away... I was like um nooo it must be wrapped and open in Christmas! I'm so excited!!!

So I'm supposed to be leaving for Poughkeepsie right now, eventually ending up in the city to visit Cyndi. Actually the original plan was for me to leave last night after work and crash @ Joe, Melody, Ian and Vern's place so that I could just wake up and head to the train station this morning, but man was it crappy out last night. Freezing rain like whoa! My usual 15 minute drive home from work took about 35-40 minutes. So I decided to just get up early today and head down to the train station in Poughkeepsie. About 15 minutes after I woke up I got a call from Payless, it was my manager. Apparently I wasn't supposed to work last night, I am working tonight, I looked at the wrong schedule when I wrote down my hours. So I told her I would come in and of course I'm still getting paid for last night. Not to mention it was like a blizzard when I woke up. And I guess Albany has no power and is a mess and a bunch of the streets in NYC are closed bc of flooding. So I guess it kind of works out. So the New new plan is I'm leaving for the city tomorrow hopefully by noon and coming home sometime Monday evening/night.

No Open Mic Night... F*ck that!

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 05:12:23 GMT

Last night me and Jim went to open mic night at The EC like every Tuesday. We walked in and there wasn't a band playing... there wasn't a drum set or amps or anything. We were then informed their was no open mic night this week... or next week. A few people were there, and we tricked Sean to come down. There were maybe 9 people in the bar at one time, and that's including the bartender Amanda who I love and the owner Zee who is a chill guy. It was like that last week too, except there was open mic night. Oddly enough we had a blast both weeks. I got to talk to Amanda a lot more. She's so awesome.

This guy came in, he's been there a few times. He thought there was open mic night too. He brought his gutair. Him and Sean started playing songs, and of course Crazy Larry played a few. Larry usually plays electric so it was interesting to hear him on acoustic. Jim's friend Kyle came along too. He's a drummer. He set up a bar stool, trumpet case and book as a make shift drum set, and they all jammed. Who said there couldn't be music without open mic night!?!

It was just really awesome. Sitting there listening to them play. Just musicians jamming out. Every time we go to Open Mic night it just makes me feel really passionate about what I want to do. I love watching people play, and esp in small bars and clubs. There's just an amazing energy from people who are playing music just for the love of music. Me and Val will have to find a chill bar with live music to hang out at down south.

So there isn't any open mic night next week either, but Jim talked to Zee. Kyle's going to bring his drum set and Sean's going to bring some amps and we're going to make our own open mic night. I'm excited!!! Also Big E will be there, he's missed the last 2 bc of school concert things (he's a music teacher). It just doesn't feel the same without his drunk ass!

Jim posted some pictures from last night... I thought I'd share...

Kyle Me and Sean... Not sure what's going on btw Kyle and Sean.

Me watching Sean play.

Watching Sean play.

Not sure exactly what I'm doing here. Hahaha.

Larry.

Sean.

hmmmmmmm turkey

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 18:34:31 GMT

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Bc when do I ever sleep?

Sat, 22 Nov 2008 07:15:51 GMT

Idk how it's 1:30am... I feel like the last time I looked at the clock it was 10.

Work has been making me really cranky. When I first started working at the plaza store on top of work at the mall store, I really liked the mall store better... now ehhhh. My assistant manager at the mall seems to always be bothering me. I can tell when he's stressed out bc he starts nit picking everything. It just seems like he always comes up to the counter the one time I don't ask for a phone number, or the one time someone comes into the store and I don't greet them. When he tells me I have to greet everyone and I say I am, and then he's like no really you have to greet people.... ggeeerrrrr. I've been doing this job for over 3 years. I know what I'm doing. Sometime people come in the store and I don't see them or I'm doing something. I'm not going to chase them down and greet them. I HATE asking people for their phone numbers, but I am trying to do it more often. I'm just getting sick of people yelling at me when I do. Or when I straighten and fill. I go through the section and straighten first and then go back and fill and it seems he always comes up behind me and tells me to fill. Gahhhh. He's a nice guy and when he's not stressed it's mostly ok. I'm just super sick of being in retail. I really can't wait to be done with it.

This week in general has made me cranky. I got my period a week early. What the crap is that?!!? I wasn't expecting it, but it does explain why I've been super tired. Also I didn't go to open mic night, which I look forward to going to every week. Jim went out with his friends, one of them is getting married. I was going to go to the bar anyways. I was actually getting ready and decided to text the people I hang out with there, none of them were going out. I'm glad I found out before I went, but I was fairly bummed. It's the one day a week I'm social and feel like I have friends, bc I am lame.

I've been having weird dreams lately. In the last week I've have dreams about 4 ex boys. They're not particularly bad dreams, but weird none the less. I think it's bc I know me and Jim are going to break up when I move, and that sucks. Although things with him have gotten better. He was pretty distant and I felt like he was not into the relationship for awhile... needless to say I was pretty upset but trying to keep it together. But slowly things have gotten almost back to normal... I only say almost bc he's still at his parents and working as much as he can, so finding time together has still been tough, let alone our non-existent sex life. Our relationship hit a wall a while ago... we haven't really moved forward, but I know it's only bc we both know it has to end. But I'm enjoying the time we have together as much as I can. I guess it's all I can really do.

Me and one of the girls I work with were talking about tattoo's today. gahhhh I want another one soooooo bad!!!! I really want to get my 315 piece before I leave, but it's a big tat and going to be a chunk of change... which I totally don't have considering I'm supposed to be saving money for when I have to start paying back my loans and I haven't. Which brings me back to my original point, I hate retail.

Another fun work related story... the plaza store has mice. Yeah. they've caught 2 already. Me and Sara saw one today. It was so tiny and cute. I tried to catch it under a box but it was too quick for me. They seem to stay in the kids lane. Anytime there were customers over there I was terrified that it was going to come out and I would get yelled at.

Wow, I'm really boring. Congratulations if you actually got through all of that.

Oh, hey!

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 06:44:12 GMT

I've decided that instead of spending money on random little things that I don't really need to be spending money on, I am going to start buying clothes. Start slow. every week or 2 weeks.

I think this has something to do with the fact that I've been watching a lot of what not to wear. I wish someone could give me rules on what to wear for my body type. Although I would never want to be on the show. Could Stacy and Clinton just come over and tell me what to wear and give me $5,000 dollars and not put me on tv??

I also have decided that I never write in this thing anymore and I don't know why. Actually I've been thinking of writing a in a non-lj blog instead. I realize that every blog is basically the same... but I feel a little too old to be using it. Idk. Weird.

Crack zombies!

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:55:12 GMT

That would be my wonderful drunk boyfriend at open mic night a few weeks ago at around 2am in Utica. He'd probably be embarrassed if he knew I was posting this. He kept complaining that his trumpet was massively out of tune, probably didn't help that he was wasted. =) I just wanted to show off how adorable my boy is. hehehe.

And I don't appreciate Sean calling me a bitch! I'm the girlfriend, I'm allowed to steal his beer! =)

Open mic night is always an interesting night

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:33:57 GMT

I think the subject says it all.

I'm a little drunk so I felt like posting. =)

Things with Jim are amazing. He's everything I never thought I would find. I'm offcially using the boyfriend word... and have been for a bit. And everyone knows how that's an issue for me. And it feel great. For the first time in my life I am not freaking out over things. At any point I am freaking or stressing over at least 5 things... but with him... I'm just calm. It's kind of ridiculous. idk... I'm just so head over heels for this guy. I just get butterflies everytime I see him. He recently moved back into his parents house, for a temp amount of time. I serisouly have been having problems sleeping without him. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and he's not there. I'm so cheesy. And I love it.

So he goes to open mic night in Utica every week, and I've gone a few times. It's so much fun. The people there are awesome. It's always an interesting time. Tonight I talked with a crazy guy who was in New Paltz in the 70's and had a political debat with him. I got hugged by a homeless man that I used to know from the local scene back in the day and got invited into this crazy orchestra. Talked and took a hit off the insanely drunk sound guy. And got to spend the whole time looking at my amazing boyfriend. =)

ok drunkeness has turned into tiredness.

nightys.

Life is good!

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:49:21 GMT

2 months out of New Paltz and I am feeling better than I have in.... a very very very long time. I talked to Kevin last night and we were laughing about how all we had to do was get the fuck out of New Paltz and things started looking up for us. As much as I completely miss seeing Kevin every day, I'm quite happy to be out of there.

Why am I so happy you may be asking yourself. Bc I met an amazing guy, Jim!!! If you couldn't figure it out by my last post about the date I went on. I was very close to calling the whole thing off. I'm not good at dating/commitment and I tend to freak out just a bit, and by just a bit I mean a whole bunch. Most of you know this. I'm not good at actually dating since I've never really done it before. And I was freaking out about getting attached to him and then having to leave. We had a conversation about it which really changed how I felt. I brought up the fact that I was leaving and I felt like I was leading him on and wasting his time. He reminded me that he's known from the beginning that I was moving and that he didn't feel like this was a waste of his time. He said he was just focusing on now and how much he likes me and not worrying about the future for once. We'll deal with it when the time comes. He said a lot of other wonderful sweet things that were just completely perfect and made me stop freaking out. And everything has been so super great since then. I've been hanging out with him a lot. I'm so completely head over heels for this guy. He is so sweet and funny and amazing!

It took 3 dates for a move to be made. Which I thought was adorable bc we're both a bit awkward and I was too nervous. Although I did make the first move. I was at his place watching movies. The first 2 we talked through the whole movies. Which I loved. I just felt so comfortable being with him and talking. A little into the 3rd movie I was like ok fuck this something needs to happen and held his hand. We both giggled about it and I teased him that I had to make the first move. It wasn't long until he made his move. And can I say he is an amazing kisser! =) hehehehe His roommate was out of town so I finally met her Thursday night. She is really nice. I felt really bad bc they only have parking for one... so when I went over we spent the first 15 minutes trying to figure out how to fit all 3 cars and she had to move her car around a bunch of times. I kept apologizing for being a pain and she kept telling me not to worry about it. So it seems I have the approval of the roomie which is good bc I plan on being there a lot! He just makes me really happy and constantly tells me how cute I am and how much he likes me. Oh and he invited me to be his date at a wedding next weekend. He wants to show me off to his friends. giggle! =)

Val went back to GA. Idk if I mentioned that... I can't remember when I wrote here last and what I said... I guess I should have checked that before I wrote this... eh well. It sucks massive balls without her. But she was miserable living with her Dad and finding a job was impossible. I would rather have her be in GA, happy with the mom and kitties and saving money so we can live together when I get down there. I miss her a ridiculous amount. Every time I see a Subbie twin I get all happy and then sad when I realize it not her. I'm pathetic. I know.

2 weeks ago I went to visit Cyndi. Kevin and his family went to Fl for over a week and she was in the house alone so I went and spent a few days with her. It was great. I needed some girlie time since I was super bumming about Val. We had a blast. They have a pool with an amazing deck so much of our time was spent swimming which was awesome. We went shopping and I got some jeans that actually fit me! Yay! And some shirts. She took me to a Buddhist Temple. It was AMAZING!! I didn't want to leave. It was so beautiful! We also moved her stuff into her new apt in Manhattan! So exciting! And driving down there wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I mean it was still driving in the city but we are still alive! There are lots of pictures so here they are...

Cyndi's friends puppy. Possibly the cutest puppy ever!

The walkway to the Buddhist Temple

The temple and elephants!

I'm awesome! =)

Giant bell

We made friends with a statue =)

Me with a temple dog.

ggggeeeerrrrrrr

All the free books inside the temple. I took 2 and donated 2 dollars.

The largest indoor statue of Buddha in all of Europe and both Americas. I might have freaked out a little when I saw this!

Hey I had to get a picture of me meditating with it!

I looooooooooooove this picture!

All around the giant Buddha there were all of this tiny ones. There must have been thousands of them.

Cyndi driving to the city!!

So excited!!!

Cyndi unlocking the door of her very first NYC apt!!!!!

My first time at a Cracker Barrel!!!

Cyndi and Jamie fighting. 'Don't make me turn this Cracker Barrel around!!!!'

Pretty girlsssssssssssss =)

I miss The End like whoa!

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 21:36:05 GMT

These are some of the guys I worked. =) I never thought I'd miss interning so much. =(

ps - it's for the custom silk screening shirts they do, hence the 'nice shirt' 'hey i made that shirt' =)

Giggle!!!

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:34:18 GMT

I went on a date tonight. And he was so super cute. And awesome. And paid for my beer. And said I was hot. And wants to see me again. =)

No one is online... and I felt the need to gush. YAY!

I think I have a thing for Dr's on tv shows

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:54:43 GMT

I have been having the strangest dreams since I've been home. And I think because I'm back in Oriskany... the filler people in dreams, you know like at parties or whatever, are all people from high school. This morning I actually laughed when I woke up.

So Scrubs was real. I was an intern or something like that. But we were all at an art show, which in real life Pete has been talking about. There is a art show in Oriskany every year and his mom has a painting in it so that's where that came from. But the art show was in Aaron's old house in Utica. Except the house was in Oriskany where April used to live... but it was Aaron house. It was a little before the show started, I was there with Dr. Cox and I freaked out a little when I realized it was Aaron's house. I kept walking from the downstairs bathroom to the door, and Dr. Cox was like are you ok? And I was like it's just weird to be here... and see the house empty when I spent so much time here. We went in this back porch thing... which Aaron's house didn't have. Hey it's my dream. And me and Dr. Cox sat down and talked and ended up making out a bit. We went back out and there were a lot of people there. I was trying to find Pete's mom's painting. Me and Dr Cox kept catching eyes across the room and then JD came in. I ran outside to call Kevin bc I was freaking out a bit. Told him about what happened, and then turned around and JD was standing there and heard the whole thing. He just gave me this really upset look and walked back inside. I tried to follow him and explain myself but he didn't want to talk and there were so many people there. I went outside to have a cig, which outside was Katie F from highschool, her little sister was trashed and they were trying to get her to get into Katie's car to drive her home but she wouldn't go. hahaha. weird. Dr. Cox came outside to find me, and tried to get me to put the cig down... I believe I started crying... I don't really remember my rambling. I love how it's my dream, but there were obviously a past btw Dr Cox and JD and me... which I have no idea what it was... hahaha. He eventually grabbed my cig and threw it away and kissed me again.

I love how it's my dream, and I have the BIGGEST crush on Zach Braff... yet I was hooking up with Dr Cox. Not that I don't think he is attractive, but everyone know how much I love Zach. It's my dream, and I never get the guy. Ever. I guess that says something about me.

Also I almost never have sex dreams, or even dreams where I hook up with someone. Idk why. I'm always really jealous of people who have sex dreams. I never get to that point in the dream or the actual sex part is just cut out. I'm thinking if I continue not to have a boy in real life, my dreams will get more interesting. It usually happens thats way. And let me tell you... and at the point where I really really need a man! =)

It's actually funny... the only really intense sex dream I had that involved a famous person was a guy from ER. I must have a think for TV Dr's. In the dream I was a Dr on the show... which was real and not a show in my dream. Nothing like having crazy wild sex on the roof of a hospital and then going back to work. hahaha.

I'm actually really proud of myself for remembering the dream (the dr cox dream). I've been having really really strange dreams lately but by the time I go to tell Val or some one, I've forgotten everything about it. The only other one that I remember fairly well was one last week. Me and Val were in her old apt in Oriskany. She was dating Bill and I was dating Pat... both guys from high school. Half way through the dream, I thought... I don't think Val ever crushed on Bill... but I did. So we switched. Not in a 'hey val let's switch boyfriends' way... in the dream way where we switched and it was like nothing ever happened. You know like how you can be in your house, open a door and be in the mall and then open another door and your at school kind of way. That was also the dream where me and Val were driving around in her Subaru aka Subbie, we were in a parking lot... looked like a parking lot of a college, something happened and we ended up crashing through the guard rail and off a cliff. The car was falling like what seemed like forever. Crashing through trees. I just remember telling Val to hold on as hard as she could and that we would be alright. We landed on the the roof... and for the what seemed like miles that we fell, we were unharmed. We climbed out of the car like it was nothing.

Oh dreams.

Staying up until 5am again...

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 09:18:24 GMT

New Boy: I am willing to do anything to make it up to you

Me: haha anything? i think you're going to get yourself into trouble mister

New Boy: I truly hope so

I like the way he thinks. I might just give this one a shot. hmmm... we'll see. =)

Quick letter to my body

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:25:17 GMT

Dear Body,
    I know I fucked you up hard core. With the last years of massive stressing, very little sleep and not eat like ever, I know you're pretty pissed at me. I can feel it every day. But I've been home for about a month now, I've been sleeping, less stressed and actually eating real food and more than once a day. Why do you still feel like shit?!?! I'll cut down on the smokes, I don't think I'm ready to quit just yet. Baby steps. I would just like to wake up and feel like you're not shutting down on me. I'll try to take better care of you. Thanks.
                                                                                Love,
                                                                                     Asho

Ps - Also what's up with the last week only having dreams that involve ex boy's and people from high school who I haven't talked to or thought of since high school?!?! Although hooking up with my 8th/9th grade crush was pretty nice. But I didn't enjoy the whole Me and Val crashing the Subbie off a cliff and landing on the roof which seemed to last forever. Also we were completely unharmed... which doesn't make sense but was a much better ending then us both dying.

Boys = Suck

Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:16:00 GMT

Why are all guys so fucking frustrating?!?!?!?! Being friends with guys used to be so easy for me... now not matter what I do it seems impossible! GAH!

I have a bunch of boy stuff to bitch about... get excited!!!

The situation with Dave is like someone poking my constantly with a knife. I've been home for almost 3 weeks... I have not seen him. He's called me twice. Once for like 3 minutes to ask if I wanted to hang out right then with him and his gf... um no thanks. And the second only because I messaged him on myspace (he doesn't have a cell phone and he's never home so I really can't contact time besides myspace) saying that I needed to see him and to let me know when he was free. I want to talk to him in person and tell him this 'friendship' isn't working... like I've been saying for months now. The phone isn't working, we can get mad and yell and hang up. I want to do it face to face. So no one can hang up and he can see how much this is hurting me. He just doesn't know that part of why I want to see him. We planned to hang out either tuesday or wednesday evening. He said he would call saturday or sunday to make actual plans. Well saturday and sunday came and went... no call. Today is wednesday and no call. This is not a friendship!!! I've gotten over him and my feelings for him. It's not about that anymore. It's about the fact that we've been close friends since I was 16 and he still treats me this way. He never changes, his promises are empty. I'm sick of his excuses. I understand his life is hectic, but that's not an excuse anymore. I don't fucking care what has happened in his life that made him unable to remember to call me. For someone who hasn't seen me since DECEMEBER and was soooooooo excited for me to be home so we could finally hang out all the time... he is not showing that he actually cares about me. He's the one who wanted this friendship, he was the one who said he needed me in his life... but he doesn't show that he wants me in it. Words means nothing without actions backing them up. I have been feeling so great since I've been home. Yesterday was the first time I've felt depressed... and it was because of him. I don't need people in my life that don't want me. I'm supposed to be relaxing and de-stressing and getting rid of the things in my life that make me miserable... and he's become one of those things. It kills me and the thought of telling him I'm done breaks my heart like you couldn't imagine... but I don't deserve to be treated like this... by a friend, or a boy or anyone.

I sent a message to Paulie...again. Another desperate attempt at hoping he'll actually message me back. He hasn't talked to me in over a year. After I went down and visited him and AJ in NC 2 spring breaks ago, he's hated me. A bit of really highschool bullshit drama went on. Although lies and comments were way blown up, I said something I shouldn't have out of anger, I apologized . He won't talk to me. I've tried a few times to contact him. Hoping he would respond. Nothing. I really don't get it. We were sooooo close back in the day. A connection I didn't think could just vanish. I talked to him about things I couldn't tell Joe and Sean. I went over to his place crying after hanging out with Chris and he would listen and wrap his arms around me and tell me it would be ok. I know that friendships fade over the years and such... but I never ever thought that would happen. After he went to NC I'd call him every so often and catch up and it always felt like nothing had changed. I know we've grown up and changed... but that doesn't mean that friendships have to end. I just wish he would talk to me, tell me what I did to make him so angry. It's really just heartbreaking. I wish he would understand that this bothers me constantly. Me and Val has been bestests since what... like 9th grade... she's been far away from me for years and we're still bestest. It can work. I don't know why I have such a hard time letting go of people. What I hate more is just not knowing why?!!? He still talks to other people. I know he hasn't just cut off ties with everyone in NY. It's not like we've changed so much we can't be friends. It was great seeing him in NC. And I really felt we had both changed in similar ways. Does history mean nothing to people?!?! I'm not a horrible person. I didn't do anything unforgivable. People have fucked him over and he still talks to them... what the shit?!?!!? I really just hate everyone. And I want my friend back.

Haven't talked to Ian. He obviously doesn't give a shit. Which has bothered me a lot... I believe I already talked about that a bit.

Why is it so fucking easy for guys to shut down and throw away feelings?? And how do they do it?? Is there a book I can read?? A boy self help tape I could listen to?? I wish I could just shut people out and not feel anything. I'm so sick on constantly trying so hard with people and getting nothing in return. I mean I have my faults... but over all I think I'm a pretty kick ass friend.

I am breathing... I am relaxing... I am staying calm... I really just want to punch someone in the face. At this point anyone would do. Although I do have a few people on the top of that list. =)

Celebrity circus.... are you fucking kidding me?!?! Sorry... I get easily side tracked.

Ok I'm done bitching for the moment. Lucky you. =)

Have I mentioned lately that I love my dad?

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 07:05:19 GMT

I got my new car!!! 2005 very dark blue Hyundai Santa Fe. I love it so freaking much! It's exactly what I wanted! And to make things better, I NEVER have to see the red car ever ever ever again!!!!

{For some reason lj is cutting the pictures short on the right... maybe they are too big? whatevessssss}

Fog lights are the greatest!

I have a roof rack!!! Idk what I'll strap to it... but I could if I needed to! =)

I love it sooooooo much. I still needs a name... hmmmm

I can fit so much crap in there!

Secret compartment! shhhhhhh

That's right... I have a first aid kit IN my car!

Nurse Ashley will fix you up! ;)

The back window opens!! hehehehe.

To say I'm obsessed with my new SUV is an understatement. The best graduation present EVER!!! I love my parents, esp my Dad... since this was his idea!

Pictures makes my happy!

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 17:06:12 GMT

I think it's time for a picture update!!! I must warn you... there's a lot of them!! Like A LOT... you have been warned!

So I had an internship this past semester in Brooklyn. One day Justin ran into the office and screamed 'The block is on fire! To the roof!'. So we all went to the roof... which is so freaking awesome. All the guys went back down and I stayed around and took pictures. They're from my cell so they are the best quality... but you can get an idea of where I was.

This would be our block on fire. Oh all the NYC firemen =)

Me on the roof!

Oh Brooklyn... I miss you. I complained a lot about the commute... it was such a pain in the ass. But I really miss Brooklyn, and the L train, and The End and the guys I worked with and Salsa aka The Smush... the little black puppy that was at the office most days.

Kevin and Me checking out the hot waiters at Chili's. Hmmmmm yummy =)

Cyndi and Liisa are adorable and I miss them so much!

Out at Oasis for Kevin's 23rd Birthday!!! My sexy New Paltz ladies! =)

The ONLY caption for this is 'Kevin is a pimp'

Pretty much my new favorite picture of the 3 of us!

My friends are really ghosts.

Oh the boys!!

NYC pictures...

It rained the WHOLE FREAKING time we were there

Me and Chris in Time Sq. I really want to put this picture next to a picture of us when we were 16. Hahaha! 6+ years and he's still one of my bestest friends. We're a couple of strange strange people.

I love this picture. Chris is going to be a cop and he wanted a picture near the NYPD station. And with my amazing photography skills I got the picture when the PD was lit up. I rock!!!

MY FAVORITE PICTURE OF THE TRIP!!!!!!! Me and this older women were laughing our asses off while I was taking this picture. AMAZING!!

JOHNNY IN LEGO FORM!!!!!

Now it's time for Jack's Mannequin pictures from The Chance in Poughkeepsie (my 3rd time seeing him play there) on April 14th with Kevin!!! It was Kevin's first REAL show!!!! I did not take these pictures. They were taken but this kick ass guy named Todd Gay who is the photographer for The Chance and is an awesome guy. I didn't bring my camera with me to the show bc there are always a billion people who take pictures and post them. I posted around asking for pictures and he contacted me. Really nice guy and really amazing pictures. I just wanted to give him the credit!

Andrew rocking out bc he's AMAZING

This one isn't from Todd... a random fan. But I just love this picture.

He has Fiji water and a Buddah on his Baby Grand... we're obviously meant to be lovers!

He played Woke Up in a Car... 'I woke up in New York City from my sleep behind the wheel. Caught a train to POUGHKEEPSIE and time stoooooooood stillllllll'

Andrew is insane and I love him! <3

I heart heart heart him. He's in SoCo with Andrew too and he knows how to rock out. Yes ma'am.

Crowd love

AND he plays the harmonica... man of many talents

Lit up like an angel... hmmmm

YEAH!!!!

He likes to point at the crowd to make them sinnnngggggg

You think just bc he's playing on a baby grand he can't rock out.... think again!

I'm pretty sure this is my favorite picture from the show <3

Oh such a fucking great show!!!!!

So I didn't plan on posting so many Jack's Mann pictures.... but I couldn't pick my favorites. =) He's just.... gahhh.... so amazing in every possible way! Plus he sang a cover of American Girl by Tom Petty... which as everyone knows is one of my all time favorites. I'm really convinced that me and Andrew were lovers in a past life. =)

Time for lunch and my soaps. Later bitches!